The glory of South Africa’s brilliant new generation of tenderpreneurs

Hi there! Thanks for the opportunity to share the story of my journey in the business world with you.

I have just turned 21, a Born Free, and already I am a self-made millionaire! I am brilliant!

I am part of the brilliant new generation of entrepreneurs that are turning South African business in its head! We number a hundred or so. Obviously, it cannot get too many, because everyone added is one more to share with… only those that can be useful to The Cause, please…

I remember that, during the times of Covid-19, and in the spirit of the promise by the honorable President, at the time the New Savior, Cyril Ramaphosa, promised the nation that there will be no corruption and theft in the administration and dispensing of Covid relief funds. That just show you: We are blessed with principled, visionary leaders that put the people before profit, that won't ever steal (or hide money in sofas). The fact that there were some minor corruption in the Covid funds... well, its wasn't the Party's fault; the comrades are renewing, dammit! Besides, everyone of the comrades must have his and her time to eat... I mean, what's fair, is only fair...

Let me start off by saying that, as a country, we are truly blessed by the most honorable, selfless and highly ethical leaders that will never dare to misuse their positions in state and government to steal from the poor and vulnerable. No, siree, not them. Never. Besides, they are from the Struggle; they know poverty and oppression, and will cause no harm to Our People (which, by the way, must be clearly understood to exclude White South Africans – and those in other minority groups that do not sing the praises of the honorable all-wise Comrades).

We are in a uniquely privileged position in this country. We have a generation of just phenomenally talented and absolutely brilliant entrepreneurs. How on earth can we have an economic growth rate of persistently below one percent with such a bunch of such brilliant entrepreneurs? It just simply does not make sense! Ag, obviously, yes! The answer is there for all to see: It’s the fault of the heartless Whites that oppress our people and resist transformation, of the West punishing us for being good and pure, and pursuing foreign policy based on human rights, with exemplary global partners such as Russia and Iran. And, obviously, its Apartheid. It’s not us, never us; we are brilliant.

I mean, really, I am a businessperson, exercising my right to compete fairly and on equal footing for government contracts. Besides, Daddy earned me that right through his selfless sacrifices as a hero of the freedom struggle. He himself has proven his excellence, and today’s he’s a deployment cadre of the ANC, to a top job, incidentally, purely incidentally, to the same government institution where I landed most of my contracts. But, be warned, if you ever imply that my business prowess has anything to do with Daddy’s deployment, I will sue the hell out of you! But that’s typical of the racists and agents of the West in this country: All Black success is regarded as corruption. As South African citizens, we have a right to do business with whomever we want.

My brilliance is clearly visible from my fast-growing bank account(s); in fact, my brilliance (and status) does not allow me to compete for contracts worth less than a few million. Nothing wrong with that; I mean, really, any sensible businessperson will tell you that we are in it to win it, and business is about making money. So, Daddy’s institution advertises a tender worth a few million, and I will exercise my right to participate and compete in the tendering process.

First things first: I will register a company with CIPC specifically for this purpose (I have never before provided any similar goods and services to anyone, you know, so it just makes sense that I must have a company for this job). Let me tell you, as a brilliant tenderpreneur, in business, it is not competence, knowledge or experience that matters; it’s who you know, and your ability to see(s) an opportunity when it presents itself (and if it doesn’t, we will create it).  

Then my brilliance really kicks in: I get quotes from companies that actually offer the products and services required, add overheads of 100%, and triple the price. We call it the redress levy. This is my tender offer. I’ve done my part; the rest will be Dad… responsibility (I mean, it will now be left to the fair and totally impartial adjudication processes of an excellent public bureaucracy that takes care of its own… it’s people, I mean, its people…).

Obviously, we will illuminate competitors from competing! I mean, really, be serious, man! This country has a long history of colonialism and apartheid, and it must be corrected now. It is a moral necessity that also makes business sense. Don’t argue with me! If you need proof of the business sense it makes, I’ll show you my bank account[s]! The entire process expands the economy to include me and my comrades; the children of freedom fighters! So, we are actually expanding the economy! Besides, this is only fair redress for the discrimination that we… well, actually our parents... have suffered. I were born post-apartheid, attended the best, most expensive schools, I lived in luxury my entire life, much more luxurious than at least 90% of White people in the country, but don’t let this creates the wrong impression for one second: I am still discriminated against, even today, and deserves the preferential (o, sorry, obviously I meant the fair… the fair!) treatment bestowed on me! Don’t argue with me! What do yo0u mean “but then you don’t actually deserve to be classified as “previously disadvantaged?” You are an apartheid denialist, and I despise racists like you!

If you think logically about it, I am still suffering racism today! In a country where more than 90% of the population is classified as “Black and African”, where Daddy and other cadre deployees control the Constitutional and political regime, with obvious implications for economic opportunities, where our people are in total control of the public service, and where it is the easiest thing on earth to get rid of any and all White resentment by just mentioning the word “racist” (which will immediately sprang into action the Human Rights Commission, the Public Protector and the full might of the law), it is the 7% White people left in the country that cause me to be discriminated against because of racism. I will fight it! Never again! I know exactly how it feels to be discriminated against because of race!

At least now Our Government takes care of Our People, and reserves posts and positions in the public and private sectors to those that have suffered under apartheid, of which I am one! Besides, many of my friends, with their parents being loyal supporters of the Movement, have been deployed to high and powerful positions, even without the racist restrictions of qualification or experience (which is, in any event, just racist jargon for White privilege). Besides, that is serving the Youth Agenda! O, how I adore our Leaders of Society!

But back to the point.

Now I wait. The tender specifications have been drawn up. Daddy gave strict instructions that it will be phrased in a manner that will exclude all undeserving possible competitors from competing with me… (sorry, I mean strictly impartial tender specifications have been prepared that represents the requirements of the tendering institution, strictly based on the laws of the country. You know, Preferential Procurement, BBBEE, sectoral codes and such. This will take care of all possible competition from… well, how can I delicately put it? Underserving groups… or then, as phrased on the relevant legislation, groups not targeted for redress of past wrongs). The greatest challenge now is to get rid of all Level 1 contributors that have also tendered, but at a lower price than my offer). Ag, don’t worry! Daddy, and the fair and impartial tender adjudication will take care of it! The tender adjudication committee has been carefully… selected. Daddy has been a dedicated and loyal comrade for all his life, a member in good standing, and even if any allegations of improperty are made, the Party will back him. Worst that could happen, will be for him to be redeployed, or promoted.

The tender is awarded to me (or, rather, to my fly-by-night)! I am brilliant! Barely of legal age, and already a filthy rich businessperson! Now I must deliver the promised goods and services. Ag, that’s a worry for later. I will eventually get the sub-contractor to deliver half of the stuff, if it doesn’t impact too negatively on my cash flows. What counts now, is to demand immediate payment! Value-for-money, delivery according to specifications, corruption, all those types of things are nothing more than excuses to further oppresses me! I will have nothing of it! What really matters, is my brilliance! I must get what’s due to me! Payment now!

More than 99% of all my contracts are with government. Nothing wrong with that; except, perhaps, for the growing debt burden of the state. I’m anyway not worried. The Leaders of Our People, the only Society that matters, are already busy extending BBBEE rules to all sectors of the economy. The Expropriation Without Compensation Act has been based. Not long, and the racists land thieves will be kicked off the land of our ancestors – and I will be a farm owner. As a beneficiary of the Redress Laws, I will extend my brilliant and innovative business practices to the private sector. And nothing will be able to do a thing to stop me! I am brilliant! As long as Daddy is a Comrade in Good Standing, and the Movement protect Our People, I will be brilliant! Don’t argue with me – I will show you my bank statements!

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